Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn

Understanding the Nervous System in Real Life

By Beth Castellano

There are moments in life when you react to a partner or a friend and immediately think, “Why did I do that?” leading to overthinking or telling yourself, “It’s fine!” when it absolutely was not fine. If this sounds familiar to you, I want you to know that your nervous system is doing its job by keeping you safe.

When we discuss nervous system responses, we are referring to automatic patterns that activate when your body senses a threat. It is crucial to understand that your nervous system doesn’t only respond to physical threats of danger but also to cues that feel familiar to a perceived threat. This may be a tone of voice, facial expressions, conflict, feeling misunderstood, rejection, pressure or uncertainty. All of these can register to our nervous system as a threat, even when the logical part of you knows that you aren’t in immediate danger.

The goal here is not that you stay calm, no matter what and never activate your nervous system, as this is not realistic and can lead to internalized shame. A more realistic goal is to notice the triggers earlier, understand the pattern, recover, and create more choice in how you respond. This is where understanding the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses can be helpful, as they give language to what our bodies are experiencing.

These are automatic protection responses, not personality traits.

Your nervous system responses are not your identity; rather, they are information, and with support, you can learn how to work with the responses. If you would like help in identifying patterns, noticing the signs earlier, and building a plan that fits your real life, counselling can be a safe place to start.