Unseen and Unspoken: Understanding Disenfranchised Grief

By Kristi Turner

Grief can be tricky to manage. There are a lot of complex emotions that can arise when dealing with loss. And sometimes we may not even understand our loss or even feel it is appropriate to express because it is “not as bad” as what others are going through. These feelings arise because of something called disenfranchised grief. Read on to find out more about it and what you can do to start processing what you’ve been through.

Disenfranchised Grief

There are times in our lives where we experience losses that don’t necessarily fit with society’s attitude or idea about what loss looks like. These losses can be things like the loss of a pet, the loss of a relationship – through dementia, divorce/break up, or moving away, the loss of health, the loss of a job, the loss of a dream, or even the loss of identity. When these losses are unacknowledged or unappreciated, it can result in a person feeling disenfranchised, confused, or even judged about what they have experienced. When one’s feelings of loss are minimized or dismissed by others it can create a sense of self-disenfranchisement whereby the person experiencing the loss will suppress their own grief and not allow themselves the right to grieve. With no permission to grieve, the person often becomes isolated with little support to help them cope. This lack of support can stunt the grieving process and leave that person feeling stuck and alone.

Impact of Disenfranchised Grief

· Emotional Distress – feeling prolonged sadness, anxiety, anger, shame, or guilt, which can potentially contribute to depression, anxiety or other mental health problems.

· Social Isolation – feeling misunderstood can lead to withdrawal and loneliness.

· Processing Difficulties – lack of validation hinders the grieving process and may make it harder to heal, integrate, and move forward.

Coping with Loss

Losses need to be grieved, no matter how “big” or “small” they are. Here are a few simple steps to help begin the grieving process.

· Give yourself permission – really feel your loss and do whatever feels comforting to you no matter what others may think.

· Be gentle with yourself – treat yourself as you would a good friend going through the same loss.

· Eat well and move your body – even if you don’t have much of an appetite eat healthy food in small portions and move your body to help clear your mind.

· Express your grief – engage in activities that help you process your feelings, like journalling, art, writing a letter, or spending time in nature.

· Seek support from those who understand – friends, family members, or support groups where you feel safe to share your feelings.

· Consider professional support – a therapist specializing in grief can provide guidance and support.

Remember: Disenfranchised grief is a real and valid experience, and it’s important to recognize its impact and find healthy ways to cope with it.

If you need help coping with or processing your grief and loss, reach out to one of our counsellors today. We are here to support and care for you.