Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

How to Help Your Children (and You!) Navigate Life’s Twists and Turns

By Sue Bradley

As we at Invermere Counselling look forward to some pretty big changes in our practice I am reminded firsthand how tricky life’s transitions can be. Even when we know in our hearts that the change is positive, there is inevitably a mixture of emotions associated with it: excitement and gratitude, but also fear, worry, even a little bit of grief. There is a famous and very old (first said by a Greek philosopher) saying “The only constant is change” because often it feels just when we are most comfortable with where we are in life, we are faced with something different. For children the emotions associated with change can be even more intense since they may have had very little control over the change itself. Whether it is moving to a new city or home, the breakup of a family, the loss of a loved one, or going to a new school, it’s important to remember that change can be difficult and hard, but it can also build confidence and competence and lead to amazing and unexpected adventures.

The big lesson of change is not to avoid or fear it, because that’s not always possible anyway, but as with most things in life, how we cope with it matters the most. In this blog, I’ll explore some tips and strategies for helping your child through these difficult times:

1) Prepare in advance
Anxiety often comes from things that are unexpected and/or out of our control. So the more we can prepare in advance, the more we know what to expect. This means having open and honest conversations about what is happening, why it is happening and how it will impact (positive and negative) your child’s life. This can help reduce anxiety and fear of the unknown. Don’t forget to also talk about the things that will stay the same (like your relationship, family traditions or activities) to help your child feel more grounded and connected.

2) Maintain routine and structure
Maintaining as much structure as possible can provide a sense of stability and predictability for your child, which can then help reduce their stress levels. For example, if your child is starting a new school, try to establish a routine for getting ready in the morning and after school.

3) Encourage your child to express their feelings

It’s important to create a safe and supportive environment for your child to express ALL the feelings (even and especially the uncomfortable ones) they might have about the changes happening in their lives. Let them know that it’s okay to feel sad, anxious or angry and that you might have those feelings as well and are there to support them.
If talking about emotions is hard from them, you can provide them with other ways to express their emotions, such as drawing or writing in a journal.

4) Foster flexibility and resilience
Flexibility is the ability to adapt to new situations and change course when needed. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity and maintain a positive attitude in the face of challenges. Both of these qualities are essential for navigating the ups and downs of life.

As parents and caregivers, we can help children build and develop flexibility and resilience by encouraging them to take healthy risks and try new things – this helps them develop a sense of adventure and the confidence to tackle other, maybe larger, challenges. We can model flexibility and resilience in our own lives by showing our children how we handle setbacks and challenges and emphasize the importance of a positive attitude. Another important strategy is to celebrate small successes – this builds confidence and reinforces the idea that perseverance and hard work pay off. Then when big changes come along, remind your child of all the previous successes they’ve had and how capable they truly are.

So yes, change is constant and often unavoidable, but it can also bring unexpected and incredible opportunities: for growth and learning; new experiences and adventures; increased resilience and confidence; and self-awareness and reflection. More importantly, working together with your child to understand and cope with change can lead to a deeper emotional connection and ultimately strengthen your relationship.