We Don’t Move On From Grief, We Move Forward With It
Reflecting on Grief, Death and Dying
In Western society there is a common belief that when we experience grief and loss related to death or dying, we should “move on” from it—almost like turning a page in a book. This idea suggests that there’s a clear endpoint to grief, a moment when we should feel completely better and go back to our normal lives. However, Western Society has it wrong (there is no gentle way to say it so we will call it like it is), and the reality is much more complicated. Instead of moving on from grief, we often learn to move forward with it.
The Myth of ‘Moving On’
The idea of ‘moving on’ from the loss of someone who passed away suggests a linear process, a tidy transition from mourning to acceptance, where grief is a challenge to be conquered. This perspective often arises from societal expectations that prioritize emotional efficiency and resilience. We glorify the ability to “put a brave face on” and return to normalcy, creating an environment where those who grieve may feel pressured to mask their sadness or rush through their feelings. This pressure can lead to feelings of guilt or loneliness. People may worry that if they still feel sad, they aren’t coping well. The truth is, grief doesn’t follow a strict timeline, and everyone experiences it differently.
When therapeutic support may be helpful
Grief and loss are universal human experiences. These feelings are a natural, non-pathological process through which individuals come to terms with their loss, integrating it into their lives over time. While grief can be deeply painful, it is a normal reaction and may not require medical or therapeutic intervention. Instead, the grieving process is characterized by a range of emotions including sadness, longing, anger, and even relief, which gradually evolve as we move through acceptance and adaptation.
However, support is available and grieving in connection with others is often needed in the healing process. In some instances, individuals may experience traumatic or complicated grief, where the natural grieving process is hindered by emotional blocks. This may occur when the loss is of a complicated relationship, sudden, unexpected, or accompanied by traumatic events that overwhelm the individual’s coping mechanisms. In such cases, feelings of grief and accompanying symptoms may be intensely prolonged or lead to a state of feeling stuck, impeding personal functioning and recovery.
When we work with grief and loss related to death and dying, the therapeutic goal is to remove emotional blockages that prevent the normal grieving process from unfolding, facilitating the person’s ability to integrate the loss and ultimately reach a place of acceptance and peace. This helps the natural process of grief to resume, allowing the individual to honour their loss while continuing to live fully. As a therapist, it is a privilege to be part of this process.